A Note To My Pre-Mom Self...

Hi there,

Right now, you have no idea what to expect. You are worried about the pains of labor and how to soothe a baby. Well, I'm here to tell you that, as far as delivering a baby goes, when the time comes, you will get filled with excitement and a surge of adrenaline (oh, and God's grace) that will somehow give you the strength to labor through the most intense pains of your life. Don't be grossed out, but you will throw up five times from the contractions (thankfully, your husband will not get nauseous at the sight!), and you will shake like crazy for a few hours (which is a little scary).... BUT, at the end of it all, you will welcome a little boy on the 30th of April at 1:16 pm who is simple a perfect package of baby. After two practically sleepless nights, cuddles, and many pictures, you will be wheeled away from the hospital, to ride in the backseat of your car with a tiny, sleeping peanut of a baby. Your husband will drive 5 mph under the speed limit and will look in the rear view mirror in zillion times.

The next few weeks will be a complete blurr. People will visit. Your bottom will be SORE. You will stare at your new baby. You will stare at your husband interacting with him (and tear up). You will look at this child in amazement, stare at your once basketball-sized belly and wonder how on earth he ever got out. Then you will feel so proud and thankful for his health and yours. Then you will cry from the pain of engorgement and not feeling like you can swaddle a baby properly. You will also cry on your first Mother's Day out of pure exhaustion and feeling scared you are in over your head. Thankfully, you will have a group of AMAZING mothers to guide and support you. To tell you you are a rock star at raising your child and to remind you to follow your heart and mother's intuition. Breastfeeding will HURT for the first two weeks. Your nipples will be numb and you will leak milk (yes, it's the truth). However, you will be beyond thankful that you stuck with it... because it will really help you bond and feel very needed by your little, growing babe. Despite feeling a little grossed out at first, and wondering how your body will ever be "yours again", you will quickly sit back in wonder at how your body can nourish and keep healthy another little body. I promise you, you will cherish the countless hours spent in the glider every single day, snacking on animal crackers, humming Christmas carols, just staring at this little boy in complete awe. Oh, and remember the entire tube of stretch mark cream you rubbed on yourself every single day? Well, you will come to actually love the tiny little "lightening bolts" below your belly button, because they remind you that you carried a child for ten months and that your skin was stretched to house him. It's something not everyone is able to do and so you will NEVER, ever complain about these marks.

You probably will anyway, but please don't stress about sleep and schedules! This figures itself out and your baby will fall into his own sleep pattern that works for him and you. I know you will read way too much on the internet about sleep and soothing and much of it will contradict itself. I'm here to tell you--- if you want to hold your baby while he sleeps, hold your baby. If you want to utilize a swing because it works wonders, use a swing. If you want to nurse your child to sleep, DO it. You will later come to find this did NOT create any "bad" habits for your child and...well, you can't get those moments back where he is small enough to sleep in your arms. So, do it. And don't feel bad or embarrassed about it. Spoiling a newborn is healthy and necessary. In my, humble (but semi-experienced) opinion :) You will wait four weeks to venture out of the house, for fear your child will have meltdown or poop blowout in the middle of Target. You come to find out, one year later, this has yet to happen. And if/when it does, you will survive!

You will feel the most joy you have ever experienced each and every day. You will also have some days where you feel SO tired. And lonely. Espcially when your baby is too little to "talk" and interact much with you. But believe me, the joyful moments and days will far outnumber the days where you feel a bit like you are loosing your sanity. Playing music throughout the house, making lists, visiting friends, taking (a lot of) walks, and prayer will all help you figure out how to be home every day and be a joyful mom while doing it.

You will go through a small phase where you feel like you are "boring" to others. This is a short and silly phase. You DO still have things to offer to conversations, you still are smart and a hard worker....even though you are not working. When people ask you "what's new?", it's OKAY to talk about what is new with Noah, because he is largely what you will focus your time and energy on. Please don't feel bad about this! You will learn how to start balancing "mommy life" with things you enjoyed before mommy life, like time with Dan, bookstores, baking, crafts, exercising, bargain shopping, and spending time with friends and family. You will decide to go back to doing Mobile Therapy a few hours a week and this will be a great thing for you!

Remember all of those little worries you have about Dan changing diapers and being too tired after a long day of work to have enough energy to play with the baby? Let me tell you---he is an AMAZING FATHER. Just you wait and see.... Even after the most stressful days, he will come home and be more energetic and involved then you could have ever dreamed. He will change lots of diapers, wait to check email until after Noah goes to sleep, and he will still remember to take the trash out. He will amaze you and you will feel incredibly loved and supported by this man. Of course, there will be times when you are just so exhausted after a day of 20 minute cat naps from a 4 month old baby and you need to just go for a drive to the local grocery store for a little break...and your husband will understand. He will give you so many encouraging hugs and he will let you know you are doing a good job.

You will love interacting with your growing baby and seeing the various stages he is in--feeding him purred peas for the first time, seeing him stand to greet you in his crib one morning, watching him learn to sit, crawl walk, and say words like mama, dada, and dog. Holding him the first time he goes swimming, got sick, and got his first boo boo. The memories from this first year will be life changing and you will grow SO much.

I promise you, this will be the best adventure. You will still be Amber at the end of it. Your identity as a women and mother will be beautiful and you will realize that, just when you thought your heart was full of love and joy before having a child, it will grow to include an enormous amount of love for this new little human being.